Storytelling Café: Breaking News From the North Pole
The recent leak that Donner and Blitzen have decided to take early retirement has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was inevitable as the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season’s gift distribution business.
Internet shopping has diminished Santa’s market share and they simply could not ignore this as their profits have plummeted.
Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne emissions for which this North Pole company has received unfavourable press. Climate change is something everybody, including Santa, has to take seriously.
However, it is confirmed that Rudolph’s role will not be disturbed as tradition still counts for something.
And also this is an opportunity to quash the leak that Rudolph’s nose got that way not from a cold but from substance abuse.
However, it has been announced that further restructuring will be needed to ensure that the global changes that the North Pole is facing in its' business do not take the company into bankruptcy. The subsidiary company called ‘Twelve Days of Christmas' are taking measures that will come into effect immediately.
These are as follows:
- The partridge will be retained but the pear tree which never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted will be replaced by a hanging basket, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
- The two turtle doves will be made redundant, their romance during working hours could not be condoned and it was felt that they should go.
- The three French hens will remain as we need to try and improve relationships with France that have been a little difficult recently.
- The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice answering system. There will also be an investigation launched to determine who the birds have actually been calling, how often and how long they talked.
- The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for investors. Diversification into other precious metals appear to be in order.
- The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose, per day, is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrade in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on, the goose will be of good quality.
- The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans have been ordered and the current swans will be retrained in order to learn some new strokes to enhance their usefulness.
- As you know the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy criticism by the Equality Commission for some time. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought and the maids have become militant regarding their chances of progression within the company which is being looked into.
- Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
- Ten Lords-a-leaping is now thought to be overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus their expenses is too expensive and all will be made redundant. They will be replaced with a cheaper solution. As soon as HR has worked out a way this can be done.
- Eleven pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. It will be substituted with a string quartet, buying new music will be cutback and uniforms will be dropped. This will give major savings.
In addition to all this, making savings from both the main North pole company and its’ subsidiaries, delivery procedures will be closely examined as a prime feature of the restructure. Sadly it is possible deeper cuts will have to happen but in the meantime – have a very happy Christmas.
A story that was enjoyed by the December Storytelling Café. Told by Sandy Leong, adapted from a story that is in the public domain.
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